Do you know what I love about divorce?

Absolutely nothing. It’s horrendous even with all its opportunity for growth. But what comes after divorce, that phase of life where you get to start again, the do-over, and second-chance - that’s my jam. With that theme in mind, what follows are the three ways to take your life after divorce and make it better than ever.

After divorce, there is a period of coming back to yourself, remembering who you are and also discovering who you want to be in the future. This path of self discovery can be an enjoyable adventure as you give yourself permission to try new things and have some fun, but it can also be quite daunting as you work through some honest recognition that perhaps you’re not quite the person you want to be. It is, however, a critical step on your path to true fulfillment and happiness.

Why should we continue to do things a certain way just because that’s the way we’ve always done it? Divorce gives us an opportunity to ask: Who do I get to be now?

You have a chance to decide where to go from here. You can change your mind and switch directions if you want. You can choose a different career. You can pick up an old hobby. You can change your hair or buy new clothes. You can redecorate your home or define a new style. You can move. You get to decide how the story goes from here and who this new you is going to be.

We hear it packaged all sorts of ways: make time for self-care, take time for yourself, be sure to exercise and spend time doing what you love. Happy wife, happy life. Ain’t nobody happy if Mama ain’t happy. But why don’t we actually believe it?

When you take time to make yourself a priority, you are actually giving the world the best you have to offer. Putting yourself first and making your own happiness a priority actually makes you a better mom, employee, friend and family member. Self care does not equal selfishness.

All the ways you can be kind to yourself and learn that your needs matter will make you a better person. A happier you who is well-rested, not carrying around unwanted weight, exercising and treating yourself occasionally just because it makes you feel good - these are all ways that you are creating the best version of yourself that you can be. You matter. Your happiness matters. Your love of something just because it makes you happy - that stuff matters.

If we can’t properly love ourselves, how on earth are we supposed to know how to love others? Embracing the value of self-care is one small step toward fully preparing yourself to be the best partner you can be in your next relationship. Self care is a beautiful way to teach us how we want to be loved. It can be a valuable learning experience around what is important is how you feel the most fulfilled.

You have the ability to design your future. This is your opportunity to really consider what you want and start to believe that it is possible. You don’t have to know how to get there. Playing it safe and playing small only keeps us from living the life of our dreams. Your dream can be bigger than a new job or a new man or even things you can buy. Reach Further.

Beautiful girl, you can do amazing things.

You are new seeking to merely survive this life. It’s not enough to just look back at the end of your life and think: Wow, I really survived a lot. Instead of merely working to pay the bills, what if you aimed for the stars? If the worst thing that happens is you end up on the moon, at least you didn’t settle for staying put on Earth. What is the legacy you are leaving behind for your children? What example do you set for them on how to live your best life?

Continue to grow and evolve. Make a plan. Keep track. Do more of what’s working. Do less of what’s not working. Revise your plan. Insist on not sitting still and instead become the best version of yourself that you can be, scars and all. You were meant for a great life and you can do anything you set your mind to.

So You’re Divorced, So What? Where will you go next?

If you need help rewriting your story, download my free Start Again Guide as step one.

3 ways to truly skyrocket your life after the big D